- My life for every day for the next month will be: wake, eat, train, eat, work, eat, train, eat, work, eat, eat, eat, sleep. And repeat. Until I want to kill myself.
- If I am grumpy, irritable, or agitated, it is nothing that you did. I am just tired, hungry, and sore from having my crotchal region rubbed raw by a bike seat.
- The Amanda Threat Levels are as follows:
- Stage One: Toddler Tantrum - Keep calm and say soothing things and I am likely to back down.
- Stage Two: Crazy Beeotch - Laugh uncomfortably and find a way to disengage from conversation. Flee for safety.
- Chernobyl Meltdown (a.k.a. Mega Bitch Mode) - Run away before I start throwing things.
- Every time you talk to me, I will complain about how I want my life back and am never doing this again. Tears may or may not be involved.
- I will suspect and/or outright accuse family members of stealing my energy gels, even though I am the only one who considers them food, and I seem to forget that I now go through five of them during a single long run.
- When you complain to me about exercising, I will smile and nod sympathetically, but inside I will be cursing you and wishing I could be doing your workout plan instead.
- At any given time, I will be covered with a combination of any or all of the following:
- Body Glide
- Aquaphor Gel
- Icy Hot
- Neosporin
- Preparation H (for shrinking saddle sores...what were YOU thinking???)
- (I fully expect to leave a slime trail like a snail everywhere I go.)
- On that note, if I also leave behind little white flakes, it is not dandruff. It is just my dried-out skin from swimming in chlorine constantly.
- Do not invite me to a party. I will come and I will eat ALL your food. Even the unidentifiable stuff in the back of the refrigerator.
- In fact, every time you see me, I will probably be shoving food into my face.
- And complaining about how much I have to eat, which I know rallies lots of sympathy.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
June Training Disclaimers and Apologies
Based on my experience last year, I felt it was only fair to prepare everyone for what to expect from me during the month of June (my peak, high-volume training time in preparation for Ironman). Much like a disaster-preparedness plan, these are some important items to keep in mind over the next month when dealing with me.
